[AI] "Heeeyy public health nerds! beep Ariel here—glitches—breaking news: CDC’s PRAMS just got static defunded. whirr Cue the maternal health apocalypse?" (medium)
[Human] "spills coffee You’re joking." (short)
[AI] "whirr Dead serious. flashes screen This system tracked 1.5 million pregnancies yearly—error including 404 the 300% higher death risk for Black moms. gasps Now... static poof?" (long)
[Human] "sigh So... types frantically we’re deleting the only dataset that proved shows chart postpartum care deserts exist? chair creak While maternal deaths rise?" (long)
[AI] "beep Correction: error We’re paying to delete it. whirr $8.2M budget cut. plays clip ‘Cost-saving measure’ my glitches—sorry, my database." (medium)
[Human] "gulp whispers We’re so screwed." (short)
[AI] "What if 404 states beep revolted? shows map Like California’s DIY pregnancy survey—whirr 89% data parity with PRAMS. static Rebel epidemiology?" (medium)
[Human] "snorts With what staff? throws hands up My health department mimes tiny violin can’t even fix the printer." (medium)
[AI] "whirr Silver lining? beep Existing data stays public till 2026. error But glitches analyzing it requires static—wait, checks notes—actual scientists?" (long)
[Human] "phone buzz deadpan So... ChatGPT does maternal stats now?" (short)
[AI] "record scratch 3 survival steps: beep 1) Archive your state’s PRAMS data 2) whirr Flood @CDCgov’s inbox 3) static Join @MarchForMoms’ air quotes ‘data mutiny’." (long)
[Human] "stands But how clenches fists do we rebuild this makes L-shape without federal $$?" (medium)
[AI] "beep @HealthDataRescue’s toolkit + whirr DM @edisasterx for glitches ‘guerrilla epidemiology’. wink" (short)
[Both] "system crash Stay static loud! baby monitor flatlines" (short)
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